There is something cathartic about writing and releasing emotions and blocks through the process of it. Using the hands, which are an expression of the heart-center, a writer is challenged to drop into the deepest recesses of his or her heart and to explore and share those "secrets" with the world. I have always found this to be true. Yet, this does not make the process an easy one.
Last year I began a re-write of a book I'd thought of penning for years. I always knew the title: The Accidental Yogini. For some time I thought it would be the story of me and my journey. But through the years of sharing so much of myself in blogs, classes, and with students, I realized that my story was already out there enough. And yet there was a book that needed to be written.
One morning I sat up in bed and realized that the book should be a fictional novel and one that I could incorporate aspects of many of the students and yoga teachers that I had met over my many years of teaching yoga. I knew that this format change was vital, and I set out right away to begin working on it. Just like always, the words flew out and onto the page effortlessly. And yet the more that I wrote, the more that my spirit was challenged. Thoughts of self-doubt and worth also flew in as I wrote. For a time the heroine is a hot mess, so writing her character and the negativity that she embodied not only brought up lots of old patterns and fears within me, but created new ones that I never even knew that I had.
The writing was effortless, but the emotional and spiritual wounds being brought up were demanding attention. This put me into a strange place. I found myself confused about who I was or what I really wanted in life. I pondered the meaning of life with great effort, only to find myself coming up short many days on that all powerful question of WHY!? Through the process of writing the book the heroine finds a life of purpose and love because of an unexpected yoga practice that she falls into and what that brings up in her. I found myself also diving back into my yoga asana practice more than I had been for years. My body some times felt stronger and some times so much weaker. I wanted to practice like I had years before, but my body would remind me that I was in may 49th year and closing fast in on 50. Each day held a new and often agonizing moment of either physical, mental or emotional pain - all while I was writing about a girl's positive journey through yoga. I knew that this was all a part of my own journey - the divine plan. And yet, each day I effortlessly wrote and painfully practiced. And just like the heroine, I felt myself slowly becoming stronger - day - by - day.
At first these gained strengths were not easy to see. The progression snuck up on me, just like hers does in the book. I found myself suddenly one day realizing that my body had worked and released some blocks and traumas and that my mind was starting to find its groove again.
By the time I launched my book, The Accidental Yogini, on Feb 18, 218 (11:11), I was ready to release her and myself to the world. I finally came to the place where writing is not a hobby, but a deep life-purpose for me that needs to be shared with the world. I understand that I may not be the literary genius of the century, but I certainly have a lot to share and that the time has come to do so. I finally feel good about "coming out" as a writer and putting myself out wholly and completely in that energy. And, with that, certain challenges remain.
We are always on a journey of self-discovery. With each passing year we hope to get closer to who we really are - our true self. I feel privileged to have a venue in which to help me achieve that understanding. Writing is certainly not an easy process, even when the words come out effortlessly. Through the process of writing, one can most certainly ascertain greater insights into his or her own soul. But even more so, it can help one to clear out the blocks that smear or smudge the sense that we use to see ourselves with. You just have to find the courage to do it.
In Love, Service & Wisdom.
Tracey
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