Why I Joined the Seminary - It's All About ONE


This summer I did something that nobody who knows me could have predicted ever happening: I enrolled in seminary school for my Master's in Divinity.

As anticipated, this enrollment came with a huge mix of responses. Some of the people who I thought would "get it" the most, did not. Most people were simply shocked. A few understood. It is okay. I did not enroll for the approval of anyone else. And, my reasons are my own personal reasons, not to be understood, necessarily, by anyone else. But, due to the nature of my open-book policy, I want to talk about it a little. So, here I am.

First of all, understand that I did not grow up in an organized religion like most of my friends did. While my friends were headed to church on Sundays, I wrote stories or read books. I was raised by parents who always told me that when I was old enough, I would figure out what I believed in. My Grandmother was Jewish, but did not practice any rituals nor went to Synagogue. My grandfathers and other Grandmother was not religious. My Father's extended family was associated with the Methodist church in their town, so when I was born, and probably since I was the first grandchild and everyone wanted some big celebration, I was Baptized in a Methodist church. I still have the little Bible they gave me. It is scribed all over inside...and I love that.

Growing up I remember going to Catholic church with my cousins when I slept over their house. Getting dressed up and going out was fun, but I did not understand all the components of the service and giggled a lot every time we had to stand up or sit back down. It seemed kind of silly to me. I remember my cousin Kristin and I getting yelled at for laughing in church a lot.

In Burlington City where I grew up, we lived on a small two-block street. Across the street was a church that held Vacation Bible School during the summer and many of my friends were going to attend. I asked my parents if I could go and since it was no extra cost they said Okay. We didn't have a lot of money back then, and I'm sure that the fact that I was going to be attended to for a week sounded pretty good to my mother as well. And if she needed me, I was literally right crossed the street. I actually loved Vacation Bible School! I learned all these incredibly Bible stories that my friends already knew. They seemed bored and couldn't wait to get to arts and crafts, but I loved listening to tales about Noah, Moses, and Jesus. They were wonderfully colorful and with positive messages at the end. Well, the spin for children was positive, anyway.

Now about another block away there was another church in our neighborhood - St. Mary's. I used to walk through the yard on the way to school because it was a shortcut. I felt very comfortable there. One day I lost my house keys and I was so afraid to tell my parents. My mother told me that she would not be home in time and I would need to use my key to get in the next day. I started sweating. I didn't know what to do. That day after school I stopped and, instinctively went inside the church. I went to the front pew and sat down, and prayed to God to help me find my key. I was so scared. I was scared to tell my mom that I had lost the key because I thought that she would think I was irresponsible and I was scared that I was praying to something that I did not understand. But, I did it nonetheless. I didn't know how long I should stay there. I looked around a little. I was the only one in the church. I thought that I should get going and made my way out of the church and down onto the bluestone path, sliding my hands into my vest pockets.

Suddenly I realized that there was a hole in my pocket - the last place that I had left my keys. I stopped short, just steps away from the church door. I took off my vest and snaked my hand through the hole and around my vest. And there it was - my house key, tucked in the back of my vest, hidden, but present.

I.
                 Was.
                                    Astonished.

God had heard me. Or, I thought, I was magical. I erred on the side that God had heard me, but I never told anyone about it until many, many years later. But it has always stayed with me.

As a twenty-something-year-old I started to go to friends weddings. Due to my lack of connection to spirit, I made this running joke that every time I went into a church for a wedding or a funeral that there was a 50/50 chance it would burn down. People thought this was funny, so I kept it up. But somewhere in the back of my mind I had this interest in learning more about world religions. I even toyed with taking some courses during my thirties and forties, but never did. But that interest was always there.

In my twenties I found new age, earth-based spirituality. Rituals and energy became a huge part of my life. I found out about the Divine Feminine and that really opened me up to the nature of spirit. It expanded my understanding, but I still felt mildly disconnected. Many of the women that I met along this path were very deep into Goddess worship. And while I respected that aspect, I felt somewhere that there needed to be some sort of balance, no? I mean, you can't hate men and find power in the Goddess only - isn't that the same as honoring God and relegating women to second class citizens? I kept my mouth shut about it. I went to the rituals and did all the earth-based, energy, elemental stuff. And I learned to honor the Goddess when I felt her, when it was authentic.

And then l I became a yoga teacher. Now, that happened purely out of physical reality of the benefits of yoga on my body and mind. But, it opened me up to Hinduism, and I learned of the comparable natures of Shiva/Shakti and the dance that the Divine Masculine and Feminine do together. One is no more or less important than the other. That felt right. Through my continued yoga education, I was led to many Hindu rituals that honored the many faces of God through different deities - both male and female. To this day, Lord Ganesha is one of my deepest connections that Hinduism brought me. And yet, I knew there was more.

I could go on and on with my studies in Buddhism, Shamanism, and other Pagan religions. Suffice it to say that for most of my adult life, I have done my fair share of independent research into the nature of God. I continue to do so every day. One of the things that I have come to understand is that what makes one person find understanding and meaning, is important for them. But, it may not be meaningful for me. And yet, I can find a peace of meaning and understanding in someone else's experience. And yet...

Who is God to me?

Flash to my recent Dark Night of the Soul, a three-year period of intense internal examination. Too much to discuss here. Coming out the end was an understanding of true Oneness, something I taught in theory for nearly twenty years. And there it was - this need, a calling, to deepen my ministries and attend seminary school for my Masters in Divinity. Why? The truth that I have come to know is that everything is ONE, that energy on a planetary level is changing rapidly, and people need help navigating these changes. Through an Interfaith approach of honoring all spiritual traditions, I hope to help guide people to their own deep understanding of Oneness. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what path anyone takes to get to their own connection, just as long as they eventually do find one.

So, there you have it. I'm in seminary school. I've already been given the title of Associate Minister with The Interfaith Temple, and I continue my journey. Where it takes me remains to be seen. The seed was planted many years ago, probably when my parents first told me that I would figure out what I believed in on my own. And what I believe is that we are all ONE. And that it is our duty to expand from duality into Oneness by whatever means we are inspired to take.

I'm here for you, if you want to go deeper. Just reach out.

Rev. Tracey


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